The Night will never Stay

The night will never stay,

The night will still go by,

Though with a million stars

You pin it to the sky;

Though you bind it with the blowing wind

and buckle it with the moon,

The night will slip away

Like a sorrow or a tune.

By Eleanor Farjeon

 

Bear with the Indonesian system

how would I start this?

Too many complicated things. I wouldn’t even know there are so many differences. Just bear with my complaints.

First, it’s really hell out of  bureaucracy. I don’t hate governmental institutions, what I dislike most officers do not perform professionally. One would not work unless there is petty cash available. hex… it disgusts me.

Second, I just know why Indonesians have  troubles with English… even for official documents, Indonesian essays/ writings do not have any closing paragraph. I might be wrong… but I experience this personally… Oh come on… I think the Indonesian language does change… it is not the same as I learned before… or perhaps I am too much poisoned with American English (my friend did say this to me )

Third, believe it or not reformation era serves as a euphoria only. Government institutions do not discreetly act corrupt. well… one of my friend applied for a vacant position as IT staff at one of government institutions. Three days ago, he had a test. It supposed to be 31 applicants in a test room. There were 35 desks available and the room was full. Firstly, the officers who conducted the test asked the applicants whether all of them were on the list or not. None of them came forward or responded. Finally, another officer came in and said that they would start the test immediately.

You see it… it is very obvious that there is something wrong with the number of the applicants. How could those 4 vague applicants do the test while their names were not on the list? hahahaha… this is my country…

and many more.. I just couldn’t mention it all ….. It just makes me in rage.

it can’t be done, can it?

Hidup Datang & Pergi

Mungkin hampir 2 tahun yang lalu saya menginjakkan kaki di kota Athens yang mungil ini. Masih teringat ketika saya dengan setengah hati meninggalkan Indonesia yang tercinta (cliche mungkin, but this one was real). Saya bilang teman karib saya bahwa saya  ingin segera pulang. Saya  ingin pesawat China Airlines membawa saya kembali ke Jakarta yang waktu itu sudah mendarat di Taipei, Taiwan.

Tahun pertama saya merasa sangat beruntung tinggal dengan Efka, Citra, Mbak Niken di apt Commons yang indah, 1306. Puasa pertama kami masak rame2  untuk buka bersama di 1306 dengan Dana, Brian, dan Bang Gugun yang tinggal di apt 402.

Tahun pertama tersebut banyak air mata yang sudah terluahkan (rindu rumah, rindu keluarga, rindu suasana yang islami). Masih hangat di ingatanku lebaran pertama adalah lebaran terberat, hanya mendengar suara orang tua, saudara, dan almarhum Aba mengucapkan selamat hari raya idul fitri dan saling memaafkan.

Kelar lebaran, Mbak Wini tiba di Athens. Efka dengan legowo pindah ke apt 402 tinggal bersama cowok2. Aku kemudian pindah ke 402 setelah Dana kembali ke Indonesia dan Ita memutuskan untuk tinggal di 1306.

Suasana baru dengan temen2 lama di apartemen yang baru. Sangat menyenangkan, rame dan “situated learning environment.” Brian yang suka begadang belajar, efka banyak kegiatan tapi tugas kuliah oke, bang gugun dengan dopping Mountain Dew-nya… ah sudah  setahun yang lalu…

Tak lupa Mbak Lina, Teh Maru, dan Mas Farid ngajakin berfoto di Tail Park dekat convocation center. Menikmati indahnya bunga sakura di amerika. Aku sendiri juga ga menyangka ternyata bisa ya ngelihat sakura putih dan merah muda yang tumbuh bersemi bukan di negara asalnya.

Memang sudah setahun yang lalu… tapi kenangan tersebut masih tersimpan rapi dalam ingatanku…

Lebaran tahun kedua kulewati bersama Renzy. Sedianya kami ingin sholat tarawih di Islamiz Center. Namun, tugas2 dan kesibukan kampus benar-benar menyita waktu. Aku pun sebisa mungkin selalu tarawih di kos. Malam hari raya, aku berusaha membuat putri salju supaya ada kesan idul fitri di amerika…. entahlah… enak atau tidak, aku sih asal bikin saja… anehnya sudah tidak ada lagi keharuan itu yang aku rasakan pada waktu tahun pertama. mungkin aku sudah terbiasa [?]

it’s just another sign that I don’t know what I am now.

Spring tahun ini jauh lebih gila dan menyenangkan.. aku menghabiskan libur akhir pekan dengan Renzy dan Farheen, mahasiswi asal Pakistan yang sedang belajar di Harvard University. Awalnya memang aku masih terperangkap dengan tugas-tugas penelitian kuantitatif. Tapi, akhirnya aku melewatkan spring dengan indah di Pittsburgh, PA. Kota tua dengan tatanan arsitektur yang apik dan unik.. Thanks to Renzy and Farheen who encouraged me to travel with them… this  Spring means a lot to me.

Setahun terakhir di Athens ku lewatkan bersama Renzy, Kathleen, Harley, dan Nola. Kathleen, ibu kos ku yang baik yang mampu membuat suasana rumahnya menjadi rumah keduaku. Walaupun sempat beberapa kali tinggal sebentar2 dengan teman2 Permiasa yang lain, Mbak Riri, Mbak Aisy, dan Mbak Ida — semuanya memberikan kesan tersendiri bagiku, tetap saja 259 East State Street menjadi tempat yang ternyaman dan terbaik selama setahun terakhir.

Bohong benar jika aku bilang bahwa aku merindukan Athens dan teman2ku… I’ll miss you guys…

I miss Athens, but it’s my turn to start another journey….

So Long My Friends

Some quotes of good bye jamboree from Athens, summer 2009. It is really hard to say good bye.

Dear all,

How are you doing guys? I hope all is well. By the way, I will be leaving for Indonesia on August 29 as I will be done this summer.
I am wondering if we could meet up for coffee in Donkey on Thursday night at 8:30 p.m. I hope to meet most of you at Donkey.
But, I know probably some of us can’t make it. Please allow me to say a couple of words.
It sounds cliche, but I just want to tell you all that this past year has meant a lot to me and how much I value your friendship.
I am sure that you all will be successful in whatever you are doing. Be it a Ph.D degree or a researcher, a job, good luck guys.
Again, thank you for your friendship by providing a good situated learning environment for me. Also, please continue to keep in touch what is happening and how you are. Do know that there is always a bed/ couch/ floor open for you in Indonesia. Don’t forget to reach out to me.

Best of luck and wishes,

Tsuroyya

—-

Hey Tsuroyya,
I really wish I was in Athens and hang out with you!But anyways, it was very nice to meet you as my classmate and spent a year studying with you. I wish you all the best! And please be in touch in the future!
take care,
tintin

—-

Oh, Tsuroyya….. I am still out of town so I wont be able to join you there, but I will be in soul.. promised. I will ever keep treasured your friendship – and your couch offer for Indonesisa.. – no.. seriously. I wish quarters would not fly away as they do. One of the things I regret the most is not enjoying my people enough…
I hope we will meet again soon, in Indonesia or Spain . My home is also yours,

Love,

Carolina

—-

Awwwwwwwwwwww Tsuroyya, its been so good knowing you. I do hope you will keep in touch when you leave. Sorry I cant be there with you tonite but I want to wish you the very best as you leave.

Best.

Priscilla Baaba Bansah

—-

Tsuroyya!!!

How come you are leaving so soon??? I thought that you would be done by middle of September I am in NC and I am arriving to Athens on Friday night… I don’t think I can make it for the coffee But I am wishing you the best and I know you will be a great representative of Commdev! It was great to meet you, you are so kind and nice! If you have a chance to come to America let me know and we might meet again
By the way, how was your summer? I know you took some classes and you worked on your service learning project… and how was the exam?? I still cannot believe that you are leaving now
Again, I wish you the best and it was great to meet you! It’s going to be weird to not see you around anymore.
Have a safe trip and enjoy home!

Peace,

Patricia

—-

It was great getting to know you. You have been a wonderful classmate, very supportive and respectful. I will always remember your smile. You are very high in my esteem and my heart sores to see you leaving us. However I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank you and wish you all the best home. I hope our paths meet again if I cannot see you at the party on Thursday. Sad, Sad and Sad!
Idrissa

—-

Tsuroyya, i have been following your jamboree in saying goodbye to friends and loved ones. Though i am back in the States, i am in far away Seattle. Will be back in New York on 31st and head to Columbus and then Athens on the 1st. I dont know if you will still be around at that time. If not, i wish you a safe trip and dont forget to keep in touch.

Prosper

—-

Tsui, aku sedih g bisa ketemu Tsui tadi, aku minta maaf telat ya…mohon maaf kalau ada salah kata selama ini, selamat pulang en bertugas ya Tsui…terimakasih untuk semuanya

Widia S

—-

Alhamdulillah, berkah Ramadhan

Ramadhan memang penuh dengan keberkahan. Aku mendapatkan kabar gembira seusai makan sahur dan sholat shubuh. Baru saja aku membaca email dari Committee Chairku yang memberitahukan bahwa hasil comprehensive examku unanimous. Masing-masing committee mempunyai komentar tersendiri, alhamdulillah klo memang seperti itu adanya.

I just can’t help to cry. It’s just overwhelming now.

Sujud syukurku kepada-Mu Ya Allah. Engkau telah karuniakan rahmat yang tak terkira kepada hamba di bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ini. Hamba berharap semoga hamba senantiasa dapat menjadi hamba yang bersyukur kepada-Mu.

Terima kasih Bapak, Ibu, dan kakak-kakak yang di Indonesia  yang selama ini sudah memberikan support dan iringan doa yang tiada henti.

Terima kasih untuk Almarhum Aba, yang tidak pernah kering doanya untukku. Aba, alhamdulillah saya sudah lulus. Maaf jika selama ini masih belum sempat untuk membalas kebaikan Aba……

Terima kasih keluarga IKAZA, dan Alm. H. M. Ali untuk support dan doanya. Doa Bulek Khoir dan Paklek Kholif dari Jeddah.

Terima kasih untuk teman2 di Indo dan di Athens yang menerima saya apa adanya, memberikan dorongan, memaklumi segala kekurangan, dan memberikan suasana yang kekeluargaan. Semoga tali silaturrahim ini senantiasa terjaga sampai akhir hayat.

Post-Grad Degree Syndromes

Well…. as you may see on the title… it’s all about syndromes that I feel when I am approaching the completion of my graduation

# laziness is all over the place… there is no more excitement that I can find by doing some research work and reading textbooks.

# procrastinating is the main activity during the downtime session when I just take classes for granted and having fun. Due dates seem to be more lenient recently.

# La Femme Nikita becomes the major part of my life lately… Luv Michael and Nikita. It doesn’t matter what other people think about them… They are amazing and fabulous.

# sleeping hours increases radically 8 hours minimum and sometimes 10 hours.

# I lose my appetite as the stress from my comprehensive exam, and “going home for good” is always moving around my head.

# I end up busy listing what to do before going home (packing, allocating  some expenses, and other stuff).

# options are there… yet I have decided… no one could really predict how it’s gonna be like… I’ll just have to wait and see.

# worry is so much in me now as I have to wait for the result until the first week of Sept. Hopefully I can make it.

A Dialectic Thought of Online Courses

I had a very nice discussion with my classmates and professor yesterday. He probed interesting questions such as:

why would everyone pay a lot of money just to study in an institution whereas online courses are available?

what advantages that online courses cannot create compared to classroom courses?

why would someone pay a lot of money (more than $6,000.00) just to get interactions and motivations from others? My professor thought it was not even worthed.

Well.. so many things to think about as this subject involves several complex processes.

I don’t blame that my professor with his American minded tends to oversimplify complex problems. As a matter of fact, the point for having online courses or not is influenced by several factors, such as GDP, type of learners, adequate technology and resources.

Sure, it is easy for a country such as USA or any developed countries to ask the above questions. Infrastructure and access for education are more than sufficient for developed countries. Therefore, if he askes why someone would pay a lot of money to go to a classroom, it  makes sense.

On the other hand, it is not the same case in developing countries. Children and younger generations go to classrooms to get education. It is not solely to build interactions and develop motivations. Let’s take a look at the remote areas such as Gunung Kidul, Indonesia. There, people already pay a lot for hygienic water and the least accessible education. There is no way that online courses will come up to their mind as there is no adequate infrastructure. Even if it is there, a few people can afford it. At this point, there comes along the term “digital divide” which refers to a gap between the haves and the have nots.

However, it is also a very thoughtful insight to consider that the development of online courses should increasingly contribute to the society. Having  invested a great sum of money on online courses, an institution has to be able generate innovations to attract students to join an online course and to take the most out of it.

Nothing is impossible with technology, that’s what everyone says currently. Interactions and motivations can be initiated through online courses. Certain programs, such as second life offer real peer-interactions.

As it is stated before, it depends on each country’s condition. One might think online courses are both benefecial and essential. Others might think that technology, including online courses is a means to mechanize human beings. This mechanization causes alienation, lack of social relationship, and so forth. Finally, there has always been a tension between these two competing poles.

Gusti katha Nimbali Abdi

Sanjange Ibu:

“Atos-atos sak meniko badhe shiyam lan riyadin. Gusti Pengeran ugi katha nimbali abdi-ne. Sak wangsulanipun manungsa ugi katha mios wewaosan ing wulan rojab. Nyuwun pengestune Gusti mugi diparingi berkah ing wulan rojab kaliyan sya’ban. Mugi saget tepang kaliyan wulan Romadhon”

For a dear friend –> Semoga diberi ketabahan dan kesabaran oleh Allah SWT. Semoga almarhum di-maghfiroh segala kesalahannya dan mendapat tempat yang terbaik di sisi-Nya. Semoga perjalanan menimba ilmu di negeri Paman Syam ini dapat dijadikan sebagai jihad tersendiri yang juga merupakan ladang berkah dan manfaat. Amin

Time Flies : Al Muhasabah

I thought it was like three months ago when my sister text-ed me to utter a special prayer welcoming the month of Rojab. “Allahumma baariklana fi rojaba wa sya’bana wa ballighnaa romadhon” (Dear Lord, please bless us to welcome the months of Rojab and Sya’ban and give us a chance to experience the fasting month, Romadhon). Her text was in Arabic language and I did still save it in my cellphone.

Just now, I receive the same text from my sister. It’s welcoming the month of Rojab. Ya Allah, time flies. Time goes by as I stray away from Him, whereas every second counts on the Judgment Day.

Yeah, it is the time that beings cannot negotiate. Life is indeed a journey. I should pack all the stuff that I need for the life after death. Probably, my journey itself is pretty much a reckless one for most of the time. Yet, what I should turn in is the super duper difficult task to do.

A couple hours ago, I watched my friend packing all her stuff to leave U.S. for good. I did not know that packing was quite complicated. She was confused deciding which one she should throw away so that her luggage would not be overweight. Meanwhile, I knew when she came to U.S. packing was easy for her.

In my wildest thought, it seems as if her condition were my life journey. In the beginning of life, probably I did not comprehend my responsibility at all for being present in the world. As I grow up, I learn things and know just a bit. Most of the times, I just buy others’ opinions and stuff, even idolize people that are supposed not to be done. I break religious practices so many times consciously without even regretting them. Later on, I would be much more confused, scared, hectic to turn in all the things I have done on the Judgment Day.

What did I achieve? How well did I contribute for others? How far did I walk on His path? Those are my questions that remain unanswered. I do think, the party is  over, yet the learning process has to perpetuate. It’s time to reflect and contemplate what my next step will be. Eventually, this reflection will bring a feeling of  “longing” for family, relatives, best friends, roommates, places that I live, and other stuff. Perhaps, this contemplation leads me to my alter ego which enables me to create my own world in every day’s dream.

Well, just wanna raise my hands high and deliver all my prayers so that I can fulfill every task that I am responsible for. Let these prayers wipe away my tears, let Allah comfort me in His own ways… I need Him more and more. “Hanya kepada-Mulah hamba bergantung, dan kepada-Mu hamba memohon pertolongan.”

:: when a body and a soul sink into a tremendous feeling of guilty ::

rahasia-Mu

Sungguh hidup, mati, ujian, dan rizqi adalah rahasia-Mu. Ku tak menyangkalnya. Jika manusia bisa memperkirakan kapan dia akan menghembuskan nyawa, maka takkan ada hamba-Mu yang berpaling dari-Mu. Tak ada konsep neraka, tak ada syaitan yang tidak tunduk kepada Adam, tak ada perang, dan tak ada dajjal dunia.

Engkau adalah Maha segalanya yang Mengetahui setiap detil makhluk ciptaan-Mu. Engkau Maha Tahu seberapa besar kemampuan hamba-Mu untuk menerima ujian, cobaan, bahkan adzab (tsumma na’udzubillah min dzalik) dari-Mu. Sekali lagi hamba merasa tak mampu untuk Engkau gembleng dengan ujian ini. Sekali lagi hamba merasa rapuh, tidak tahu ke mana harus mengadu selain kepada-Mu.

Meski hamba tidak akan pernah bisa mengetahui rahasia-Mu, beri hamba sedikit kekuatan untuk mampu melangkah tegak di jalan-Mu, beri hamba sedikit kesabaran agar tidak mudah rapuh dan tenggelam dalam penyesalan serta mimpi semu, beri hamba  bahu yang sedikit tegap untuk menopang kerabat yang sedang dalam kesulitan, beri hamba sedikit rizqi dan umur yang berkah agar hamba bisa bermanfaat bagi orang lain….

Biarlah rahasia-Mu tersimpan di Lauhil Mahfudz, namun kabulkanlah permohonan hamba-Mu yang rendah ini…..

Ud’uunii astajib lakum